The nonviolent communication process is deceptively simple but holds within it a key to aligning our actions with our feelings and desires.

The four components of the NVC process are observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Primary ideas of NVC are to separate observation from judgment, to own the emotions involved, to connect to the needs that drive them and to ground them in a specific request or action.

In it’s simplest form an NVC statement would be as follows: When (observation), I feel (feeling) because I need (need). Do you think you could (request)?

When dealing with your own thoughts you could translate any thought into a similar structure. When (observation), I feel (feeling) because I want (desire). So I’m going to (action).

When the elements of the experience are mixed it is harder to be conscious of them. By consciously separating the experience into phased elements each one is experienced cleanly for itself and then reunited as an action or request.

Even if this process had no effect on other people I feel it would be worthwhile just for the way it creates alignment between our feelings, needs and actions. By actively attempting to frame our communications in this matter we authentically connect with our feelings and desires. This makes it easier to respond rather than react and will increase our power.

By parsing our own experiences this way we are more authentic, which does benefit us in communicating what we want and why. By organizing other people’s experience in this manner we gain a greater sense of empathy. It is easier to come to agreement with someone if we understand how they feel and what they actually need and desire from the interaction.

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